On Sugar Paper

Everyone thinks they can teach. I wonder why though. It is one of the first professions a person comes across in their lives which seems simpler and more doable than a doctor's, which is also one of the first professionals we meet. Or maybe because teaching and learning is a participatory process, hence one might think that they can teach, if they can learn. The sad state of affairs of education in the country, the fairly low entry points, the abysmal salaries might also all hint towards the thought that if that he/she can teach of course I can too. Let me tell you, thats not true. I have had some of the worst teachers while growing up and have come across some even more pathetic ones when I decided to learn something as an adult. Currently, I am learning how to swim. My coach is losing patience with me because I am unable to float in water and keep calm and breathe. He is also exasperated at my sister who seems to be the slow student. He adopts the sink or swim approach...

I have been a part of some really wonderful stories. Yesterday was one such time. My student Ansita has been helping me with Warm Regards since the day it started. When we got our first order and we wanted to recruit women, nobody knew where to start. We called Ansita and her sister Neha and together the two sisters, got us a room full of women, when we really only wanted five. Since then, Ansita has been part of most discussions and has been meeting the women and checking on them. On her own. She has not been instructed or asked to do any of this because of course, we adults think we can manage everything. The other day, one of the women shared with me how Ansita has been going around explaining the work and getting things for her so that she can finish the bedsheet that she has been working on. I was surprised. As a token of my appreciation, I wanted to give Ansita some money. She is responsible enough to use it wisely and also, I know she can save for some future needs. ...

I am a slow child. I am mostly slow, even as an adult. Let's go back a few decades to when I was born. My birth was difficult. I was born premature and a lot of people thought I wouldn't live more than a few days. When I was two, I got chronic bronchitis which continued for 13 years. There were several nights when my mum sat up with me, watching me struggling to breathe and wondered if I was going to see the next morning. I was bad at Math. So bad, that I am sure, my Math teachers didn't even know I existed. I ate slow. There have been countless dinners where my father has yelled at me because I would take hours to finish the food on my plate. Eating with people therefore stresses me out. I am mostly the last one to finish. I found Economics quite tough in college. I never understood what was being taught and came home every single day and sat with my books to read on my own and catch up with the class. Unfit and slow. Those are the two adjectives that could perhaps ...

I know how I want to die. I am very afraid of death and still get a bit superstitious about it (yes, this post has been edited several times!) Just recently RD called me to inform me of her father's death. She told me that her father had been diagnosed with brain cancer and he had chosen to not go through any treatment. In the months that he had he prepared them for his death. This post is not going to be about the physical aspect of my death but the emotional and mental aspect of it. I guess I want to die making everyone feel that I have lived enough. The problem as I see is not of the one who has died- the dead are on an adventure of their own. It's the ones who they leave behind that are filled with regret, sadness and a sense of loss. In order to leave others happier when I die, (maybe not 'happy' but at least not distraught) this is what I will do: 1. Tell people how happy and appreciative I am of my life. I don't want people to think that my life is sad and I...

Before I left for Kota Kinabalu, I left my huge suitcase at KL airport. My suitcase is really big and I was a bit nervous about travelling with it.  The day I left KL was the day I left a lot of my friends behind. The previous day I was talking to one of the Fellows of TFM. She told me that once all the 'externals' (a word for foreign staff) leave she would feel helpless and sad. I told her to think of the fact that 78 Fellows and so many staff members will still be around. Whereas I was the only Indian in the organisation and I was returning all alone. I was leaving everyone- staff, fellows, friends. That statement truly hits me now. I am going to KL tomorrow to collect my luggage and to take a flight. Two of my best friends in the organisation came to send me off that day. They were with me at the luggage drop off. When I go back tomorrow I will feel extremely nostalgic, I know. I will relive some of our last conversations together and some experiences- like the restaurant wh...