I know how I want to die.
I am very afraid of death and still get a bit superstitious about it (yes, this post has been edited several times!) Just recently RD called me to inform me of her father's death. She told me that her father had been diagnosed with brain cancer and he had chosen to not go through any treatment. In the months that he had he prepared them for his death.
This post is not going to be about the physical aspect of my death but the emotional and mental aspect of it. I guess I want to die making everyone feel that I have lived enough. The problem as I see is not of the one who has died- the dead are on an adventure of their own. It's the ones who they leave behind that are filled with regret, sadness and a sense of loss. In order to leave others happier when I die, (maybe not 'happy' but at least not distraught) this is what I will do:
1. Tell people how happy and appreciative I am of my life. I don't want people to think that my life is sad and I died sad. Retell stories of happiness and accomplishments not of disappointments. I want to leave feelings of pride not pity.
2. Keep the list of longings minimal. Life is about wanting and aspiration up to a certain extent. But endlessly longing for things and then dying without them getting fulfilled can lead to massive regret in the persons we leave behind. Maybe they would be plagued by the thought if they could do something to make our dreams come true. (Ok all, I can live without a kitten, a MacBook Air, a garden and also a farm!)
3. Stay healthy and be careful: I will do everything it takes to stay fit and healthy. Nobody should think that I deserved it.
4. Don't wish ill: the last thing I want to do is to induce guilt. 'You will remember me when I am gone' (in a bad way) or 'you'll be happy without me' are crazy things to say. I don't want a person to feel guilty of being happy after I have died. In fact, I will ask people to be happy. I will specifically ask my loved ones to celebrate festivals and get on with happy occasions in their lives. In fact, my friend Lisa says that at the end of her funeral mass she wants the choir to sing the very joyful hymn 'Go the mass has ended!' (Or I think 'you shall go out with joy')
5. Leave a note. Tell people that you are happy and in peace. That you have lived a life of value and that you are leaving as a contented soul. Tell them to celebrate your life and remember it with pride. Tell them that you will never haunt, or cause any harm if your soul doesn't find rest (and not to attribute any bad happenings to your unhappy wandering soul!) I am sure 'God' decides whether one's soul goes to heaven or hell but as we are 'captains of our soul' we have the ultimate say in what will get us peace and peace for me is the peace of someone else.
Yes, the point of this post is to care for people even after one has gone. We might leave them finacial insurance (err... life insurance) but this is an emotional insurance. If we care for and love them so much when we are alive why would we stop when we are not?
I am very afraid of death and still get a bit superstitious about it (yes, this post has been edited several times!) Just recently RD called me to inform me of her father's death. She told me that her father had been diagnosed with brain cancer and he had chosen to not go through any treatment. In the months that he had he prepared them for his death.
This post is not going to be about the physical aspect of my death but the emotional and mental aspect of it. I guess I want to die making everyone feel that I have lived enough. The problem as I see is not of the one who has died- the dead are on an adventure of their own. It's the ones who they leave behind that are filled with regret, sadness and a sense of loss. In order to leave others happier when I die, (maybe not 'happy' but at least not distraught) this is what I will do:
1. Tell people how happy and appreciative I am of my life. I don't want people to think that my life is sad and I died sad. Retell stories of happiness and accomplishments not of disappointments. I want to leave feelings of pride not pity.
2. Keep the list of longings minimal. Life is about wanting and aspiration up to a certain extent. But endlessly longing for things and then dying without them getting fulfilled can lead to massive regret in the persons we leave behind. Maybe they would be plagued by the thought if they could do something to make our dreams come true. (Ok all, I can live without a kitten, a MacBook Air, a garden and also a farm!)
3. Stay healthy and be careful: I will do everything it takes to stay fit and healthy. Nobody should think that I deserved it.
4. Don't wish ill: the last thing I want to do is to induce guilt. 'You will remember me when I am gone' (in a bad way) or 'you'll be happy without me' are crazy things to say. I don't want a person to feel guilty of being happy after I have died. In fact, I will ask people to be happy. I will specifically ask my loved ones to celebrate festivals and get on with happy occasions in their lives. In fact, my friend Lisa says that at the end of her funeral mass she wants the choir to sing the very joyful hymn 'Go the mass has ended!' (Or I think 'you shall go out with joy')
5. Leave a note. Tell people that you are happy and in peace. That you have lived a life of value and that you are leaving as a contented soul. Tell them to celebrate your life and remember it with pride. Tell them that you will never haunt, or cause any harm if your soul doesn't find rest (and not to attribute any bad happenings to your unhappy wandering soul!) I am sure 'God' decides whether one's soul goes to heaven or hell but as we are 'captains of our soul' we have the ultimate say in what will get us peace and peace for me is the peace of someone else.
Yes, the point of this post is to care for people even after one has gone. We might leave them finacial insurance (err... life insurance) but this is an emotional insurance. If we care for and love them so much when we are alive why would we stop when we are not?
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